Mom of Three Kids, Child of God

"So, are you ready to have another one?"

2011-12-06T08:53:00.001-05:00

The little guy celebrated his first birthday a week or two ago. (Yes, one day I'll post about that too... maybe it will be the same "one day" when I finally upload all the pictures that are sitting, worthless, in my camera, on my memory card where nobody can see them.) Now when people ask how old he is, I respond "one year old." And you know what happens? They ask me one (or both) of these things: "Is he walking yet?" Ok, normal milestone kind of question. I'll accept that. But by far the more popular (and, to me, shocking!) question is "How many kids are you going to have? Are you going to stop at three, or go for more?", or, more bluntly put "So when are you going to have another one?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! He is the third baby! Some very respectful families are completely content with three (or possibly even less) children. And secondly, since when is it so prevalent in our society for everyone to have babies less than two years apart?! Goodness. Give me a break, please.

Have you gotten questions like this, too? Does anyone else find this line of questioning somewhat disturbing? Is it ok to ask a stranger, or someone that you don't know well, about their family size/desire to have more children/TTC and/or conception plans? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Adoption: Be a Prayer Warrior

2011-12-01T22:39:00.000-05:00

Adoption is something that I feel strongly about. It's a cause very dear to my heart. Although we are not in a position to adopt right now, I often pray for those around the world who are orphans, or living in sad/abusive situations and need a loving home. Last month I found a very worthy organization who is fighting that battle and advocating for children with disabilities or medical conditions, children who are harder to place. Some of them have Downs syndrome, some have mild conditions that would easily be corrected with medication or surgery that is not available in their country, and some do not have a clear diagnosis. But all of them are parentless and destined to life in an institution, unless someone steps in to help them. Go to http://reecesrainbow.org/ to learn more about their ministry and specific ways that you can help. You can also click here to become a prayer warrior for a very special girl or boy who needs a home and a family. It's completely free; all it takes is a donation of your time. Maybe you will be the difference that child needs, in order to gain a better quality of life.

Praying for Hannah

2011-11-08T08:33:00.001-05:00

Today I am praying for Hannah. She is not happy right now. We thought that sending her to public school for first grade would help her social skills, bring her out of her shy little shell, help her learn from someone other than her mother. And it has.... but at a cost. She has a nasty attitude about everything. She fights and argues with me every chance she gets. She's overly tired and cranky. She puts on her best face at school, then comes home and acts horribly disobedient, defiant, and downright disrespectful. My sweet sweet girl morphs into a Jekyll/Hyde monster.

It breaks my heart to see her this way. I met with her teacher on Friday to talk about her behavior, and Mrs R was genuinely shocked (as in, mouth-hanging-open shocked) to hear how Hannah's been acting at home. She doesn't display any negative behavior at school. We talked about challenging her a little more during class and engaging her with more hands-on activities. All of that is fine and good, and Mrs R is very willing to work with us. She wants the best for Hannah too. But to sum it up, the current school environment is not ideal. Nevertheless I feel that God is telling me to "wait" and "be patient." If you know me, you know I am NOT a patient person. We'll wait and see for another month. I am also considering a different local school, some charter schools, and homeschooling. This whole school decision is weighing heavily on me. I've been praying about it quite often and still don't know the right thing to do.

Life can be exhausting. Thank you God for sustaining me through the tiring times.

Eleven months old

2011-10-26T15:35:00.000-04:00

I feel like I've been saying that the little guy is "ten months old" for quite awhile,
but now I've got to start calling him "eleven months old."

In the past month he has gone from slowly scooting and army-crawling around in circles...
to practically running on his hands and knees. Believe me, he is FAST!

He can get across the living room, down the hallway,
into the bathroom, and unroll half of the toilet paper
before you even have the chance to say "Where's Noah?"

He is still an incredibly happy baby. He is very easy-going
and accepts just about any situation that his older sisters place him in
...Like this laundry basket.

And yes, of course he is still wearing cloth diapers.
The cow print is one of our favorites.
Sometimes Aliah gets jealous when he wears it.

By nine months old he had perfected his Bumbo escape maneuver.
He kicks his legs and rolls his body in such a way that he can pop out of the seat,
landing on his hands & knees, thus ready to crawl anywhere he wants. The little stinker :)

Here's a sneak-peek at his Halloween costume:

He'll be spending his first Halloween in a stroller, and he won't get to eat any candy... but I'm sure he'll have fun tagging along nonetheless.

Playing catch-up

2011-10-11T22:22:00.004-04:00

I have to apologize for not updating more often. I feel like I should apologize most of all to my children, because I have truly been awful at documenting their young lives. I guess our thousands and thousands of pictures will have to serve as Noah's baby book. The grandparents would be appalled to see that it is nearly blank after month two.

Hannah just got her very first report card and is excelling in 1st grade. No surprise there, since she'd already learned almost half of it beforehand through homeschooling. I am continuing to question how and where she can learn best. If it were up to me, I'd probably pull her out of public school in December (but Mike won't go for that idea). I think it would be really neat to simultaneously teach all of our kids... in the future, that is. Although, Aliah is almost ready for some basic lessons. She recognizes colors and shapes, can almost count to 20, and tries to spell her name, which goes something like this: "A-L-H. A-I-L-H. L-A-H." She really does try! She's had a bizarre rash/skin infection lately, that we've been treating without any change. Another trip to the ped on Friday. Thank You Jesus for health insurance, or else we'd be bankrupt!

Noah just hit ten months old and is the happiest baby in the house. He started to crawl towards the end of September and he is now confidently cruising around tables/chairs and other furniture. He can easily walk behind a toy and push it across the room. He had a doctor's visit last week and gained 2 lbs over the last month (take THAT, growth chart!), so he's about 20 lbs. I was secretly terrified that he had RSV, but it turned out to be croup instead. After 5 days of sleeping with a humidifier he is doing much better, but still has a lingering cough. I love this little guy so much! He is always so joyful. Noah, it is amazing that God has given you to us.

I am doing pretty well. Just trying to keep juggling all the chores and responsibilities. Our church is doing some neat things, like ChurchAtTheBallpark.com. Our pastor is a great teacher. He's really been convicting me of my sin these days. I started attending a new small group/Bible study that I really like. And I'll start babysitting again very soon. The kids always keep me busy. But I love my mommy friends, especially my MOPS girls! They help me to put things into perspective.

Mike and I haven't been sleeping very well this last month. We are saving up money to buy a new bed. He's having a lot of back pain and often wakes up at 3am and can't go back to sleep. It's affecting him all over: at work, at home, with moods, diet and exercise. He has no energy or patience (but plenty of patients ::sarcastic laugh::). We've both gained some weight in the last couple months... but it is hard change.

Maybe next time I'll share some pictures. Goodnight!

Prayer Works!

2011-08-02T09:39:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, while shopping at Target, I lost my nursing cover. This might not seem like a big deal to some. But I use this as a sunshade/burp cloth/security blanket for Noah as well. It's also a sweet memento for me because I've been using it almost daily for the past three years. So I said a quick prayer, hoping to find it. Miraculously, it had fallen out about three parking spaces away from where we had parked. I spotted it just before we pulled out of the parking lot. Thank You, God! Now I can feed Noah in public and feel modest too.

Our new baby

2010-11-26T17:08:00.001-05:00

NOAH MICHAEL HUMMEL was born
10:09am on Friday November 26th 2010.
He weighed in at 8 pounds, 1 ounce.
Labor and delivery was really fast!
Thank you God for this precious baby boy! :)

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

2010-10-15T22:12:00.002-04:00

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. In honor of all the babies who are no longer with us, we dedicate this day to you, and we cherish you, loved ones. To learn more about this special day of remembrance, please visit www.october15th.com or iamtheface.org

A friend of mine wrote this poem, and I just had to share it today.

~Remembering our Angels Oct 15th~

Today is a day to remember, our angels up above.
Who danced and left footprints, then left behind their love.
We parents yearn to hold them and to whisper I love you.
Too soon they were taken from us; it isn’t fair that is true.

But we carry on through the darkness; our angels at our side.
Sometimes you can not see the tears, which we feel we have to hide.
Today there is no hiding; we want awareness to be shared.
That these are forever our babies and that for them we really cared.

These little ones have touched us; in a way nothing else can.
And though they can not be with us; in our dreams we are hand in hand.
If you don’t think of them as our children, then you may never have lost.
Please try and understand and help us, work through this painful cost.

Don’t ignore our feelings; we grieve for our lost child.
They were real and our love for them was anything but mild.
So think of those today; who are without their dear sweet little ones.
The children that were lost were their daughters and their sons.

Today we remember them; as a part of our life and soul.
They were real, whole and perfect and their loss takes a toll.
Light a candle for the mommies and for the daddies too.
For on this day we remember; what a little soul can do.

~ Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day October 15, 2010~

*Kerri-Anne* in memory of ~Sam~ Feb 2, 2010

35 weeks pregnant.

2010-10-14T16:06:00.002-04:00

Tomorow (or is it Saturday?)I will be 35 weeks pregnant. The average size of a baby at this point is a little over five pounds, and about 18 inches long. I predict that this baby will be slightly bigger than average, closer to eight pounds than seven, but probably not as huge as Monster Baby Aliah.

Right now Hannah is sitting in her room, trying to teach Aliah her ABCs.
So far, Aliah can say something that sounds like "H-I-J-K..." over and over again.

And here is how Im REALLY feeling: Im almost 35 weeks.... getting closer to full-term! I am not miserably uncomfortable yet. I dont want to be one of those whiny, complaining women who beg the baby to hurry up and get here, who want the pregnancy to be over already - I truly do not mind being pregnant. But this last week has been one of the hardest, physically. I dont want to eat very much because my stomach is being squished by the baby and all the other organs and things moving around in there... Im eating at least 4-6 Tums everyday to try to combat the heartburn. The pain in my legs and hips is mostly gone, and only bothers me first thing in the morning, so that's good. Im happy about that! But it is being replaced by backaches during the day, and charlie-horse leg cramps while Im trying to sleep at night. Ive been having cramps and BHC off and on for the past 3 weeks.... at first I noticed it a few times a week, but now its definitely every day. The cramps are getting more painful and intense, and they happen most often at night - again, when Im trying to sleep! Not much sleep these days has me feeling like a zombie sometimes. Fortunately Mike actually has this weekend off, so I am looking forward to a little extra rest in the next couple days.

My 35 wk check-up is on Tuesday, so I might have something else to report to you by then. But it will probably be the same old stuff... minimal weight gain (Im really not eating much these days at all, its all baby doing the growing in there!), healthy baby, steady heartbeat, low bp - hopefully nothing too exciting. In the meantime, Im just gonna sit on the couch and watch Aliah put every single toy that we own onto the living room floor. Oh my, all those puzzle pieces and matchbox cars.... ugh, and more cramps.

Cloth Diapers.

2010-10-02T18:35:00.005-04:00

You may or may not know, but I have been using cloth diapers since Aliah was about four months old. I am planning to use them with Baby#3 also, and have been looking into different brands and styles. Right now we primarily use one-size pocket diapers, and also some one-size covers with prefolds. But I have a few sized diapers too, like FuzziBunz, which are great. (And I am secretly addicted to diaperswappers.com, the cheapest place to buy cloth diapers!)

I love saving money and not buying disposables all the time, and using cloth diapers has eliminated a lot of diaper rash and other problems - not to mention that our amount of trash is considerably less, too. But Ive never used cloth diapers on two kids at once, and Ive never CD'ed a newborn either, so this will be quite an experiment for us! If you have any recommendations for me, please post them below.

Next week I will be trying out the new and improved bumgenius 4.0 and then I would like to try Softbumsdiapers next. They are doing a big giveaway right now, see here: http://loveclothdiapers.blogspot.com/2010/09/softbums-mystery-new-diaper-event.html#comment-form and it would be so nice to try these new diapers! They are also giving away other thing stoo, like an ipad and some $50 Amazon giftcards (but if I won one of those I would probably just use it to buy more diapers!).

Random Hannah Quotes.

2010-10-01T21:26:00.000-04:00

Hannah often surprises or amuses me with the things she says.

Here are some things that I found particularly funny this week:

"Sometimes I learn things so quickly. But sometimes I don't."

"Purple lettuce tastes PURPLE! That's so funny!"

"Why does Psalms start with a P, if you say it "SALMS"?

She is beginning to memorize Bible verses, and I love how excited she is about learning the Bible... bonus, it's also helping her learn to read better on her own, without Mommy having to push her quite so much!

Sick and sad.

2010-09-22T23:47:00.004-04:00

Mike told me about this news story early this morning when he got home from work. He fortunately did not have to respond to it, but he said when the call came in last night, he couldnt sleep at all after that. I dont blame him. I have been thinking about that family all day. The oldest child was the one who got away and was able to call for help and get the neighbor, a nurse, to come to the house. This particular neighborhood is only a few miles from us, and I know several families who live there. It is really disturbing.

I cannot fathom how a parent could kill their child with their own bare hands.

______________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, I am still sick with a bad cold that has turned into a hacking cough and isnt getting better. This has been going on for 5 days now. Ive been to 2 different doctors this week and theyve both told me its just a virus, there's nothing they can do for me. There's not much medication I can take while pregnant.

Daddy in charge = frustrating.

2010-09-20T18:15:00.004-04:00

I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Along the way I stopped to buy a new carseat for Hannah. I left the kids at home for precisely 90 minutes. Whenever Mike is left at home with them, I always come home disappointed, and the house is always a huge, gigantic disaster. Today was no exception. While Daddy was in charge, Aliah spent the hour and a half eating Fruity Pebbles, while Hannah watched 37 episodes of Thomas the Train Engine. Books and toys and little matchbox cars covered the living room floor.
Ummm... At least no one got hurt this time, right?
The twenty five minutes of peace and quiet during the car ride home was totally NOT worth all the stress and grief that I came back home to. I wish he would get more involved with them. But he does not have a single idea what to do unless I tell him, clearly and directly, about eighteen times in a row. Then occasionally he will do it. But he cant take the initiative himself. It is so frustrating!
Now he's spending the rest of his day hammering and sawing away outside, trying to built Hannah's tree house. Im glad that he is trying to get this project done, but it means that he will spend zero time with me and the kids during his days off. I just wish that he would help me instead of doing his own thing all the time. Case in point?: Yesterday I spent 4 hours at church and another 3 hours scouring a consignment sale to get cheap clothes and things we need for our kids. I made them lunch and dinner and bathe them and put them to bed. What did he do all day? Sit on the couch, hang out with his buddy, drink beer and watch football. Ok it is a day of rest on Sunday, but he didnt even bother to wash any dishes or clean the kitchen that he dirtied up! UGH!

Anyways, as for my doctor's appointment, all is well. I am a little over 31 weeks pregnant, and baby is measuring a week ahead (32.5 cms). Baby's heartrate is in the 140's, as usual. My bp is prefect at 120/60, so no concerns about pre-eclampsia this time, either. I did gain seven pounds in the last 3 weeks... ooops? I'll chalk it up to sharing my in-laws diet this past week whle we were vacationing with them, which includes lots of prepared, fatty/high-sodium foods and ice cream.
I have some kind of nasal infection that is giving me a sore throat, coughing, runny nose, congestion, ect. but it is not affecting the baby at all. I have been drinking ridiculous amounts of water, thinking that it would help, but it just makes me have to pee every 20 minutes. Lately my hips have been particularly sore and painful, but apparently this is very common with subsequent pregnancies, and I should just get used to waddling and hobbling around like an arthritic old lady for the next 2 months or so.

Beach, Day 1

2010-09-12T06:37:00.004-04:00

It's 5am. Hannah wakes up, hears rain outside, and begins screaming "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I dont want a hurricane to come! I dont want it to knock our house down! MOMMY! Im scared!" I try to calm her down quickly and quietly, that it is only rain, and rain does not hurt us, and it's too early to be awakr. But this loud outburst wakes up her sister, and so of course Aliah wants to join in on the screaming and yelling too (even though she doesnt know what Hannah is actually talking about. She just wants to make noise).

Why do children insist on waking up early while on vacation? Come on! We're not even in a different state or time zone!

That being said, I am very grateful that we can be on vacation right now. It is good to spend time with Mike's family, and I am really grateful that he has this week off from work. He has been looking forward to getting some rest and relaxation at the beach for months and months now. Let's just hope the weather cooperates so that we can really enjoy the beach while we're here.

Homeschooling, and Hannah says....

2010-09-08T20:48:00.005-04:00

Quote of the day from Hannah: "Can that be my chore, Mommy? Sweeping the floor in the kitchen, AND cleaning my room, AND putting all my things away? That would be a good help, wouldn't it?"

She really likes to have ownership of things. We have had a fish tank with goldfish for years, but this week she suddenly decided that they are "her" pets.

We had a rough day as far as homeschooling goes. After lunch (which is what we usually do, focus on schoolwork when Aliah is sleeping in the afternoon), around 12:30 I began to attempt her lessons for the day. It took her until 5:30 (FIVE HOURS!!!) to do the work that I asked her to do. She screaming, kicked, cried, whined, fought, slammed doors.... it was really terrible. I definitely lost my patience. But somehow, at the end, she still managed to learn. So I guess it wasnt a completely bad day.

Meanwhile, Aliah is talking up a storm, learning several new words each day. Today she put together almost a complete sentence: "read a book." Well, when she says it, it sounds more like "weeda bock", but you get the idea :) She can also say "I swing" (pronounced without an "s", of course, so that it sounds like "I Wiii!").

After dinner and playing in the yard, I gave the kids a bath (since Aliah was still covered in a grimy crust of chicken and mac-n-cheese from dinner). Hannah LOVES taking a bath with her little sister, but she really hates getting clean, especially the washing-her-hair part. I am wondering how much longer they will be able to bathe together, before it begins to get too awkward, and Hannah starts to want more privacy.

2010-09-02T12:49:00.003-04:00

I survived the three-hour glucose test. This included starving myself and my unborn child for a total of 18 hours with absolutely no food or drink (except water, which I hate), and getting pricked not one or two, but TWELVE times total. Twice in each arm, twice in each hand, and twice in my upper arm, too.

For the first hour, I walked. I found a park nearby, and went about 3 miles before I had to go back and get another blood draw. For the next two hours, I read a novel and wrote in my pregnancy journal.

Now I wait until the morning for the results.
Hopefully I DONT have gestational diabetes.

on the potty

2010-09-01T21:13:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my 20-month old peed in the potty - not just once, but THREE times!
Today she actually pooped in the potty, too. I am amazed. I never really expected her to do this before two years old. Pretty soon we'll have to go in the attic and find some 2t sized underwear for her, though she's not quite ready to go diaper-less quite yet.

Almost 28 weeks.

2010-08-26T21:54:00.002-04:00

So, in the morning I will officially be 28 weeks pregnant. This feels like a very big milestone to me, since it is the beginning of the third trimester, and also for the fact that I was born around 27 or 28 weeks myself. I know that I am a survivor, and I am confident that this baby will be, too.

This morning I had my 28-week check-up, including the glucose screening test. Weight gain was fine, even "acceptable" to the midwife who gave me a hard time about my last weigh-in. Blood pressure was low, and continues to get a little lower every month, which is amazing to me, considering that I have a history of pre-eclampsia. Baby's heart-rate is continually in the 150s, very good, and the baby actually kicked the doppler monitor twice while the midwife was examining me, so we definitely have an active baby. Uterus measured in at 28 cm, exactly where it should be. I have been feeling perfectly fine, and didnt have any questions or concerns to bring up with the midwife team. The only problem was that it took three tries for them to get a blood draw on me (I know, my veins are awful), and the final stick was actually in my HAND. I havent had a needle stuck into my hand for years and years and years.

I thought everything was going great... until one of the nurses called this afternoon with my lab results. Im anemic now (last time I wasnt!), I have low calcium and vitamin d levels, and my thyroid is out-of-whack again! And to top it all off, I failed the glucose screening test. Boooo! I am not particularly worried, and nobody else seems concerned yet either. So far, it will just be a pain to fast all night and half the morning, drink more of that yucky orange stuff, and twiddle my thumbs for at least 3 hours while they have a good old time sticking my poor tiny veins with needles. Anyways, in 7 more days I will know whether or not I actually do have gestational diabetes. I am SUCH a carboholic, and I definitely have a sweet tooth. I have no idea how I will be able to curb my diet, if I do have GD!

Now I am off to google more about gestational diabetes, its signs, symptoms, complications and treatments... the internet can be kind of a dangerous thing in that regard.

"You're a great mom"

2010-08-10T22:08:00.001-04:00

Tonight I ran into someone I hadn't seen all summer. I thought I was wearing what was, to me, an obvious maternity shirt, but she was so excited to see me that apparently she didn't notice my "Eating for Two" shirt, or my growing belly. When she asked about my girls and I mentioned that we were having #3 in November, she was genuinely surprised. But what she said was so sweet. "You're such a great mom. I'm so glad to hear that you're having another baby! I know you'll do a really good job." Then after some baby-talk, she went on to say "...Are the girls excited? What's new with Hannah?" ect. and we continued to talk for a few more minutes. I'm really glad that I saw her tonight.

There are a lot of days when I don't feel like a good mommy, when I feel like a failure, when I get tired and frustrated, or feel like I am not doing my best. But what she said was really nice and encouraging. And it helps to know that she isn't the only one who thinks more highly of me than I do of myself.

The terrible, horrible dream.

2010-08-08T20:39:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a terrible nightmare about Mike dying. He got an emergency call about a construction worker who was entrapped at a work site, someone who was stuck inside a big hole of dirt. When he got there, the illegal Mexican immigrant was just climbing out of the big dirt hole. He was afraid of being deported or facing jail and criminal charges... and he was waving a gun around. He shot Mike in the chest, right next to his heart, and Mike was killed immediately.
(Mike said that in real life, this kind of non-emergency "rescue call" situation would have been a police problem, not a paramedic problem. But it was just realistic enough to have me good and scared, and really sad.)
He went to work that morning, and never came home again. I was beyond devastated. In the dream, I saw it all happen a little later, through the grainy black-and-white videotaped recording from a police cruiser. It was so, so awful. I had to make funeral arrangements. Then I had to speak at the funeral. I said something like "seven and a half years isnt nearly enough time to love someone, when you are supposed to be together for a lifetime." Then I had to bury my husband, and figure out how to be a widow and a single mom with two, but very-soon-to-be three, little kids. How was I going to have another baby without Mike around to help and love and support us? How were we going to make it without him? Pay the bills? Keep our house? What were we going to DO? I spent days and days locked in my room, hiding under blankets, bawling my eyes out, wishing that my heart could be ripped out, too.
Then I woke up, and knew it wasn't real.

Baby Names...

2010-07-30T01:03:00.003-04:00

I just made a fun baby name list. You can click here to vote on the choices: http://www.babynames.com/namelist/9769941

I cant promise that Mike likes any of them, but that's ok... It's just for fun. We won't make the final decision until Delivery Day! Who knows, I might find a totally different name that I love by then. Less than four months to go!

A "new" carseat

2010-07-16T11:41:00.003-04:00

Hannah, our little 40-lb five-and-a-half-year-old, has hit a new milestone: Today she graduated to a new car seat. It's really her old car seat, we just took out the 5-point harness, so now she gets to use it as a booster seat. She thinks this is incredibly grown-up, and even though she's been buckling herself into the car for a couple years now, it is helping her develop a new sense of independence.

Now if only she was as excited about the car seat as she is about kindergarten.... but that is a story for another day.

2010-07-13T23:23:00.003-04:00

To My Husband:
When you threw all of those clothes out of my closet today, I was very angry at you. I would not have been more upset if you had literally thrown it all into the garbage. Did you think I was lying, or trying to hide something, when I said that there were "only clothes" in my closet??? I feel like you completely disrespected all of my possessions and my own personal space (what little I have, if any).
I try hard to make sure that the kids and I dont inconvenience you (ESPECIALLY during weeks like this one, when you are working night shift) or create more work for you to do after you come home. I keep up with the chores and housework (yes, some days more than others). Most of all, I do my best to respect your privacy. I feel like you owe me the same basic courtesy, yet I end up stepped-on, scared to move, and struggling not to cry.
When I tried to tell you how you made me feel, it seemed as if you cut me off and quickly moved on to whatever it was that you regarded as "more important". And you know, although I hate this callous side of you, I am also resentful if it too. THat you would be so quick to dismiss me is another thing that sets me off and just makes me want to scream at you. But I dont. You, however, have no problem raising your voice, no matter who can hear you. But when I try to move our disagreement into another room, or quiet down the conversation, you refuse to back down. You accuse me of "never talking to you" and not explaining to you how I feel. and you force me to defend and retaliate. It makes me so sad. Why should our children have to hear and see all of our disagreements? Why should Hannah have to catch me crying after her bedtime?
Yes, an apology is nice, but I just want you to validate my feelings sometimes. And hearing you say "I'm sorry" does not guarantee immediate forgiveness from me, even if that is what you want, or what you expect of me as your wife. It simply does not work that way. I am human and sinful and I need time to process all of these things before I can grant you amnesty for the latest offense.
Then you offered to clean up the gigantic mess you made, which would have been helpful, but I think that is a moot point... considering that you wont be home until 8am, and I am the one who has to sleep in the master bedroom that is absolutely covered in piles of clothes. I cant see the bed, how could I possibly sleep in this hurricane-disaster-site space?
I am utterly exhausted in every way. I am tired of cleaning up everyone else's messes and barely having time to take care of my own needs. Example: It has been four days since I last took a shower. At this point I would rather stand outside in the pouring rain, rather than waste the time and energy it would take to create a warm bath.

RLS during pregnancy?

2010-07-07T03:11:00.002-04:00

RLS is short for Restless Leg Syndrome. I have it now, during pregnancy, and there's not much I can do to alleviate it. This means that I toss and turn a lot, it's difficult for me to feel comfortable in any position, even when lying in bed, and I don't get much rest. It takes hours and hours for me to fall asleep. During the day, my feet and legs swell and tire easily. I spend most of my afternoons on the couch, sipping water and being thankful for air-conditioning.

Typical pregnant person, huh?
Still, I like being pregnant, RLS and all.
At least I know it will come to an end eventually!

Pictures of the Day

2010-06-17T17:25:00.003-04:00

Like my new haircut???
I donated 12 or 14 inches to Locks of Love today.
Hannah took all of these pictures.
She also took about 18 pictures of her barbie doll sitting on the coffee table. And a video of her barbie doll sitting on the coffee table, too. The barbie didntm ove or speak, but Hannah did.

Three years ago...

2010-06-15T00:59:00.004-04:00

This week marks three years since miscarriage number two. Has it really been that long? How has the time gone so quickly? Then again, there were days that it didn't go by quickly at all. Wow, what a lot we've been through since 2007. Even just looking back through some of these entries can give a lot of perspective about where I've been, and what I have come through to get here today. I'm so thankful for our growing little family.

I have been praying a lot lately about growing our family a different way, through adoption. But I will save that discussion for another time. Mike and I don't always see it in the same way. And I don't even know if it's something we should pursue. Just because it's on my mind and in my heart a lot lately, doesn't mean that it's going to happen. It just means that it's something I've always felt strongly about. It's certainly a higher calling, to give a loving home and a family to someone who doesn't have one of their own.

Granny the Prayer Warrior

2010-06-14T21:06:00.005-04:00

My Granny just called me to talk about my brother's salvation and where he will spend eternity. Now, the fact that she was on the phone after 7pm is a very rare occurrence; usually she is in bed by then.
Two weeks ago when she and my grandpa found out where Andrew was staying and what he was up to, they met with him "for lunch." At first I thought it was nice that they were being so loving and supportive of him. But after talking with her again, I discovered that they really wanted to make sure that his heart was right with God, that he was spiritually saved, that he knew where he was going when he died.
Now wait: Don't get me wrong. I have the same spiritual beliefs that my grandparents do, and I am glad that they are so open about their relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, I have been praying like crazy, especially during these last few months, that each of my siblings will come to realize how much they need God in their lives. But the way that Granny is going about this seems a little odd. She hasn't told anyone except me that she is meeting with my brother tomorrow. It's almost as if she's treating this "meeting" as her own personal secret mission. I'm afraid that she comes on too strong. I hope she understands that she alone is not responsible for whether or not Andrew has a change of heart. And I also hope she takes into consideration that he might not be very receptive at this point in his life.
She said she hopes that this meeting tomorrow will be an "enlightening" experience for both of them. I think that her heart is in the right place... Im just not convinced that she will come across in the best possible way (especially if she uses phrases like "blessed salvation" and "eternal damnation"!). I am praying that God gives her the right words to say, and that Andrew won't be dismissive or rude when he hears her message.

2010-06-08T23:47:00.000-04:00

My brothers need so many prayers right now.
They both have proven really good at making one terrible decision after another.
They have each strayed away from their faith and their Christian upbringing, and it is just so sad to see all the pain and grief that they are putting my parents through (not to mention the rest of our family). They don't feel guilty for making these poor choices, and they cannot understand that the things they do affect so many more people other than just themselves. They act like they are invincible, untouchable, immature little kids. I dont know what I can do for them, other than pray.

shower time

2010-06-01T12:05:00.003-04:00

This morning I took a shower. Now keep in mind, this is not an easy feat with two preschoolers running through my house unsupervised. Fortunately, Hannah was still asleep, so I didnt have to worry abut her reaching things she shouldn't, getting out choking-hazard-sized toys for her sister to play with, or acting like she was in charge when Mommy wasn't looking. Instead of worrying about those things, I had to distract Aliah long enough to get myself clean in the shower. I locked her in the bathroom with me, dumped a bucket of blocks on the floor, and started washing my hair. Aliah didnt seem to mind at all that she has been confined to our tiny bathroom space with only a pile of blocks to play with. She loved the noise she made when she threw them on the linoleum floor.
After ten minutes and just a few rounds of peek-a-boo from behind the shower curtain, I was a much cleaner, happier, more sane Mommy.
I should have done this a long, long time ago!

They are destroying the kitchen now, so I need to get back to cleaning up their messes.
Please forgive my lack of blog posts lately. Aliah literally takes up all of my time and energy right now. She never stops moving, is always running and climbing and bouncing, and she is constantly asking for food. Example: she just ran up to me with a cup of cheerios in her hand, wanting me to open it for her. It never stops.

Smells like a flower, stings like a bee.

2010-05-31T16:13:00.002-04:00

Hannah got her first bee sting today, Memorial Day 2010.
She was outside with her daddy, smelling the flowers in the front yard. Apparently someone stepped on the bee's nest and irritated them. Mike got stung first, on his toe. He told Hannah there were bees, and that she should run into the house, where it was safe. But she was so scared and panicked that she refused to move. Consequently, Hannah got stung next, on her shoulder. (I am so thankful that Aliah didn't get stung!)

Hannah acted like this bee sting was a major medical trauma. She wailed and got so upset that Aliah started in on it, too.

I tried to make this a lesson in obedience: "Hannah, when Mommy and Daddy tell you something, you need to obey. Right away." But she isn't ready to hear that quite yet.

Questions about Heaven

2010-05-22T15:22:00.003-04:00

Last night, Hannah and I had a long conversation about going to heaven. She said she believes in God and Jesus, and knows that Jesus died for her sins "on a cross." I told her that if she believes, and says she's sorry for the wrong things she's done, then she can go to Heaven too, to live there forever. "Like Amber", she added.

Then she asked "Where is Amber's cross? Where is her body?" I had to explain the concept of a spirit to her (this is very abstract stuff for a five year old). I said something like "Your body dies, and stays here on earth, but your spirit stays alive. All of your thoughts and feelings and everything that you believe in are still alive, and that is the part of you that goes to Heaven." I dont know if she understood that, but it was the best thing I could come up with.

Hannah continues: "Well I am not ready to die on a cross." She thought that when we die, we are all crucified on crosses, as Jesus was. She was taking "die on a cross" very literally! So I explained that only Jesus had to die on the cross, not us. "He died on the cross to take away our sins", she reiterated. Yes Hannah, He died on the cross so that we don't have to.

"Ok Mommy", she said, "If I say Im sorry, then when can I get 'bappit-tized'?
Maybe when Im eight, or nine, or eleven?
I think eleven would be a good age, don't you?"

2010-05-05T10:36:00.001-04:00

I am feeling really really frustrated and useless and like I can't accomplish anything today. WHY can't I just finish one task, just ONE thing, without being interrupted or having seven more messes to clean up while my back is turned?!
Oh my gosh, do I need a break from these kids!!!

The Kitchen Queen,

2010-04-28T11:33:00.003-04:00

Aliah is teething and not acting quite like herself this week. She spent most of the night sleeping in my arms. Everytime she touched down in her own crib, she would immediately wake up and SCREAM. It would take me 15-20 mins to calm her down, then she'd sit quietly with me. I'd hold her for a little longer, with her head rolling off my shoulder. She be trying to bend over backwards and push away from me, even in her sleep. And when I tried to put her down, it would star all over again. It reminded me of when she was a tiny infant and loved to sleep all cuddled up in your lap.

After some tylenol around 9am, she is feeling better.
Watch out though, I have no idea what will happen when it wears off.

She climbed up onto the kitchen chair all by herself, just to get at the leftover oatmeal.

In the meantime, she wants to eat CONSTANTLY. It doesn't matter how much you feed her, she will demand more food within twenty minutes. I really think this child will have an oral fixation when she gets older.

"Look at me! Im queen of the kitchen!"

And here is Hannah, busy making a picture of our house. It is her favorite thing to draw these days.

Sleep, glorious sleep.

2010-04-24T08:38:00.003-04:00

I slept eleven hours last night. ELEVEN!
I knew that I hadn't been getting enough sleep the past few nights, and apparently the combination of that, the marathon phone conversation with my mother that lasted until almost 2 am the night before, and our physically exhausting zoo trip yesterday (three hours of driving back and forth, six hours of walking, walking, walking around the zoo, 15 hikes to the bathroom... etc.) really wore me out.
I was so tired that I did not bother to brush my teeth or change my clothes. I didn't even eat dinner when we got home, that's how tired I was. I just did not care. I couldn't focus on anything. A dear friend called at 8pm, and I had to end the conversation short, because I just could not listen anymore. As soon as the girls were dressed and ready for bed, I fell asleep. Mike read Hannah a few stories, and made sure they went to sleep ok, but I remember nothing after 8:45 pm. I was gone, asleep in dreamland. And it was wonderful.
I can't say that I feel 100% rested this morning, but I am in a much better mood than I was last night. Yesterday I was a tired, cranky, sleep-deprived Mommy-monster!
Now I think it's time for breakfast. I'm hungry :)

2010-04-20T14:42:00.002-04:00

I don't feel well today. I am tired and sore and achey all over, from my head to my feet. I got ten hours of sleep last night and Im still exhausted. With two demanding kids and Mike working the night shift this week, it doesn't look like I will be getting a break anytime soon.
Pray that I get through this day without taking it out on Aliah, or especially Hannah!
Bonus: I am babysitting for a friend tonight until 10pm.

15 months old.

2010-04-15T00:26:00.001-04:00

These pictures were taken at Duke Gardens a couple weeks ago. I forgot that they were on my camera!

Aliah had her 15-month-old check-up this week. She now weighs 23 pounds and is 31 inches tall. She has dropped from the 95 percentile to the 50th. But she never stops moving, and eats more than her big sister, so no worries there. ((My in-laws are always asking about "the newest thing" that the kids are doing and I have such a hard time thinking of anything "new" to tell them. So I was glad that I could call them with some kind of "news" to report. At this point it just seems like we are doing the same stuff over and over and over again every day.))

Poor girl had to get three shots too. Hannah said "It made me sad last time Aliah got shots. It hurt me when she got them, and I was so sad for her that I wanted to cry too." I knew she loved her baby sister, but wow, I didnt know she was quite that sensitive.

Hannah has REALLY opened up and come out of her shell lately. She is so much more outgoing and talkative and I am really proud of her. On the flip side, this means that she rarely STOPS talking. Sometimes I have to insist on "quiet time" just so I dont have to hear constant chatter all day long. And of course the girls feed off of each other. If one of them laughs or sings or cries, the other has to do it too, just 4 times louder. It is not always sweet. In fact, it can be annoying. Especially in the car.

Mike applied for a promotion at work this week. I have no idea when he will hear anything about it or how competitive it is. He has been pretty vague about describing it to me. We'll see what happens with that.... Tonight he and a friend drove to DC to participate in a Tax Day political protest at the Capital. Interesting. They are staying with my relatives in NW DC. Hope they have a good time.

Hannah prayed that they would have a safe trip home :) She really misses her daddy when he is away. I guess they both do: Tonight at bedtime, Aliah got dressed in her pjs and then ran into our room, yelling "Dada, Dada!", looking for him. She thought he was laying in bed, waiting to say goodnight. She didnt understand that he wasn't home.

Well, we'll see him on Friday night.

Something unusual happened on the way to Walmart...

2010-04-13T21:51:00.000-04:00

Something unusual happened on the way to Walmart this morning.

I thought I would be "smart" and take the back roads to get there instead of the highway. We got about a mile from home when I noticed a police motorcycle rushing past, with all of his lights flashing. He held up traffic for a minute or two, but there were too many cars ahead, so I couldn't see what was in front of us. We keep heading to Walmart... At the next intersection, he again held up traffic. Was he going to an emergency call? Was there an accident up ahead that I couldn't see?

As I got closer to the police motorcycle, I saw other cars with their hazard lights flashing. That's when I realized what was going on. We had gotten caught up at the end of a funeral procession. Just seeing that line of cars made me want to cry. When I realized what was happening in front of us, I immediately turned off the radio, closed up the car windows. Our car went from happy-go-lucky to solemn silence in 4 seconds flat. I didnt say anything, but the kids were very quiet in the backseat; maybe they sensed something?

I had no idea who's life was being honored on this Tuesday morning in April, but I stopped to say a prayer for that person and the loved ones they had left behind. It felt as if God was telling me "Pray for their souls." I thought this was slightly weird, but I did it anyway. Who am I to argue with God?! :)

Then Hannah and I had an interesting little conversation about what happens when you die and the things that people do to remember you and honor your memory.
"Like when Amber died. That was so sad", she said.
Yes Hannah, it really was.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

2010-04-08T18:13:00.006-04:00

Got home late last night from our trip to Nashville. It was really fun to hang out with Jeremy and Charity, but the 10-hour car ride was exhausting. (I think the last ten minutes on the way home were the worst..... the girls kept getting louder and louder and LOUDER!)

We visited the Nashville Zoo, shopped at the Opry Mills, went to church on Easter Sunday at a worship service inside of a bar & grille (sounds weird, but it was really neat!), drove around downtown Nashville, saw Jeremy's work and "Music Row", and Nashville's Parthenon. Baked cake and cookies with Charity. Took Jeremy out to lunch at the Pancake Pantry. Watched the girls hunt for Easter eggs. Fed Aliah her first tastes of candy and chocolate (she spit them out!). Visited Nashville's Adventure Science Center, and got in for free with our museum passes. And I think we also convinced our childless friends that they should start having babies soon! ;) We'll see about that.

New things that each of the girls have been doing in the past couple weeks:

Hannah has been diligently teaching herself to whistle for the past two weeks. She's almost got it. She's also really come out of her shell lately. She is rarely the shy four-year-old that most of us had come to know, accept, and love. So much so that I now have to tell her to "be quiet" much more often! During our trip I felt like she never ever stopped talking and making noise!!! She loves her little sister too much sometimes, and often gets in trouble for picking her up or squeezing her too hard.
Sometimes I feel like I am too hard on her, other times I feel we are too easy with her. It is difficult to find a balance and for us to be consistent in the way we deal with her.

Aliah is fifteen months old, very active, curious, and silly. She imitates everything she sees and hears. She still eats a ton, but at least now she doesn't shove quite as much food into her mouth at one time. Her newest words are "cookie" and "cracker". She also says her own special version of "thank you", sounding something like "gah goo". She loves her big sister, but especially lights up whenever her Daddy comes home. She will yell "Dada!" and run right at him. She is great at giving hugs and kisses. She likes to play with baby dolls, and will rock them and hold them and feed them. But she equally likes cars, trucks, sticks, rocks, and dirt. She has recently discovered the joy of sliding down sliding boards. She waves goodbye everytime we get in & out of the car, or whenever she sees another car drive by.

Our girls are so much fun and it is really neat to watch them learn and grow.
I just wish I was better at recording these kinds of things.

Dinnertime

2010-03-25T18:28:00.003-04:00

Tonight I learned that neither of my children like asparagus.
I think I ate a pound of it all by myself (with just a little help from Mike).

Actually, Aliah doesn't seem to like any sort of cooked vegetables. This makes it kind of difficult to feed her safely, since she only has three molars so far. This means I must resort to giving her tomatoes and avocados, and teeny tiny chunks of cucumber and squash, if we have them. And I let her gnaw on baby carrots too.

Hannah is a carboholic like me. She would be happy eating cereal for breakfast, pb bread for lunch, and mac-n-cheese or pasta for dinner every day. As you can imagine, our meals are pretty boring. I am terrible at planning ahead of time and no good at putting meals together.... my gosh, I am really lazy about food.

family drama

2010-03-22T21:43:00.002-04:00

Got home from Maryland tonight. It was a good trip.
Hannah and Aliah had so much fun playing with my family.

Family drama: 22 yo brother has a new gf. Not surprised. The interesting thing is that she comes with some baggage. She is divorced and has two kids, ages 3 and 2. The story is that she got married straight out of high school, at age 17, to her long-time bf (who was a friend of my brother's), who was enlisted in the military. She immediately got "accidentally" pregnant. The second child was born 12 months later (ok, that was most certainly an accident). Soon after that, the husband kind of floated out of the picture.... cheating? abuse? Not sure about that part. But she is a 20-year-old divorced, single mom. Wow. And my completely self-centered, irresponsible, perpetually unemployed brother is totally head-over-heels for her. This is major stuff, people! Maybe it will do both of them some good. Who knows. Although I REALLY cannot see my brother as a father-figure kind of role model for her kids right now.... He definitely has learned some manners in the last year or two, but he is still unemployed, mooching off mommy and daddy, and seems to have absolutely no ambition to get a job or move out on his own. I wonder where New GF lives? With her parents? Im not sure.

Now it is 9:45 and I am so exhausted that Im going to crawl into bed and try to stay there for a very, very long time. Mike is working the night shift this week, so we wont get much time with him until Saturday :(

Sharing oatmeal cookies. Spring is almost here.

2010-03-11T15:50:00.004-05:00

After five days, Hannah's mystery fever is now gone and she's as good as new.
This afternoon I sat on the couch eating oatmeal-raisin cookies with my two girls. Aliah kept offering me her cookie, allowing me to get within a quarter-inch of it, then grabbing it away and laughing at me. She's such a little character.... and then she has a big sister to teach her all kinds of tricks, both good and bad.

I love that it is almost springtime! The nicer weather is allowing us to play outside more and get some exercise, which I desperately need - Im growing out of my pants!!! I have gained a good 10 or 15 extra pounds within the last 3 months. Not proud of that. (Last night, Hannah saw my belly and she actually asked me if I was having another baby! Eeeeek!)

I wish I was better at making posts here. Everyday there are things that I should write down but I rarely get the chance to record them before they fly out of my head. I think that is why I love pictures so much, because they can capture 1000 words with one click. They help me to remember what my holey, forgetful, falliable human brain cannot.

I am the mom of a five year old.

2010-03-04T16:39:00.003-05:00

At Hannah's five year old check-up, she weighed 37.5 lbs (up from only 31 pounds last year!) and was 42.5 inches tall. This means that she is still tall and skinny for her age, just as she's always been. (But apparently she actually IS eating enough food to gain weight appropriately, which kind of surprised me.) We had a beach-themed birthday party for her last weekend. We made pink cupcakes for all of our friends, just like in the book "pinkalicious", which is her new favorite. ((Big thanks to Uncle Matt & Aunt Courtney, who gave us "Pinkalicious" for her birthday!))

As for Aliah, she is getting bigger and eating plenty, I assure you. She started walking confidently at the end of January, and hasn't slowed down since then. She is beginning to say things that resemble real words, instead of just baby-babble. She can say duck, dog, ball, Mama, Dada, "go", "no no no no", "what that/what this?", and a few other things. She also uses a little bit of sign language (like for "eat", "drink", "More", and "All Done"), but then resorts to grunting, grabbing and pointing most of the time if we aren't quick enough to give her what she wants.

If you havent yet, you can now befriend me on Facebook. My username is nchummel.
Sadly, I update my facebook status and the pictures there more often that the blog these days.

Valentine's Day post

2010-02-15T21:36:00.000-05:00

http://www.facebook.com/nchummel?v=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=307352575889

Her favorite things

2010-02-03T14:20:00.002-05:00

Our 13-month-old suddenly has an experienced palette, with very definitive, specific cuisine choices. Here are her new likes and dislikes... (I wish that I was smart enough to put these in a row/column format rather than just a list, but hopefully you get the idea).

Old: cooked carrots
Safe, easy-to-swallow.
New: raw baby carrot
Possible choking hazard!

Old: cheerios (boring!)
New: kix (round, fun, roll-able)

Old: Applesauce (no chewing required)
New: apple slices (also a choking hazard?)

Old: scrambled eggs (so last week)
New: hamburger (huge, juicy bites!)

Old: wearing a bib
New: smearing food on everything within reach

A year ago...

2010-02-01T22:52:00.004-05:00

One year ago, on February 1 2009, I was sitting in an intensive care unit, sick with fear and worry. It was a parent's worst nightmare, and it was real to us: my month-old baby had stopped breathing. She had a severe case of RSV (presumably passed to her by her big sister) and spent seven very long days and nights on a respirator. I spent that time crying and pleading with God, isolated from the rest of the world, and most importantly, the rest of my family (oh, how I missed them!).

It was a whole different world in there. We had to wear sterile yellow hospital scrubs, pink latex-free gloves, and itchy blue surgical masks just to be within breathing distance of her ICU room. I pumped "liquid gold" breastmilk for ten days, and hated every minute of it. It was all so cold and clinical and impersonal. The PICU was a place where young children died. Mike couldn't stand to be there for too long at a time - he sees so much trauma and death in his job as a paramedic, and this hit him far, far too close to home.

Many, many prayers were heard and answered that week. And miraculously, she lived through it, by the grace of God (how appropriate, that her middle name is Grace). Finally, ten days after her heart and breathing stopped in the ER triage room, she was released to come home.

Now, our little miracle baby is 13 months old and could not be healthier.
I am so thankful that God has given us two precious daughters to care for and love.

Learning to Walk

2010-01-31T23:44:00.004-05:00

Today was Mike's birthday.
Since we and everyone else in NC was snowed in, we had a very quiet day at home. (We even had "church at home"!) It would have been very nice and relaxing if I was not sick with the flu and some kind of respiratory/sinus infection. Tylenol pm is helping with the head-cold part, but not helping me sleep or keeping me from constantly coughing and sneezing.

Moving on...
In the past 4 weeks, Aliah has gone from tentatively taking her first steps in January 6th to full-time, full-force, real, life-like walking. In the past 4-5 days she has begun practically running around the house, trying to keep pace with Hannah. It is still half-surprising to see Aliah walking down the hallway with her head held high, with a doll or toy in each hand - sometimes I half-expect her to be crawling still, or just rolling around on the floor as she used to, like an infant. It astounds me how quickly children learn and grow. I want them to stay little girls forever, but I know that like us adults, they will continue to learn and grow and get older with each passing day.

Wake-up!

2010-01-29T11:11:00.003-05:00

I love my girls so much, and I am so thankful that I get to be a stay-at-home mom right now. But I am run-down. I give all I can to them, and don't have enough time at the end of the day to properly care for myself (let along washing things, household chores, paying bills, etc). Just feeding Aliah is a full-time job in itself! I find myself eating granola bars or chocolate milk as meals, sometimes pbj sandwiches - whatever I can grab and consume with one hand. And more often than not, remembering to take my vitamins and meds is a forgotten habit that I just can't seem to get going again.

Right now Mike is working as many overtime shifts as he can, just to ensure that we can pay all our bills and put food on the table. He is severely stressed and burned-out. He never gives himself a break.

This morning, after I had been up all night long with Hannah, who was refusing to go to sleep and insisting on interrupting my sleep-time every hour or two, Mike came home ranting about having to get a new driver's license, and how he couldn't find some important papers.... Ok yeah, the papers were important to him, but it was not necessary to wake up everyone else in the house at 8am. He acts so angry and aggressive, and I don't just mean sometimes. He doesn't have time for a hobby with his insane work schedule, so he ends up taking it out on me. It's not fair, and I'm not trying to make excuses for him... That's just what happens.

Something has got to give, but I am scared about what exactly that will be, and what it will look like.

In the meantime, we have lots of birthdays to celebrate over the next 3 weeks.
Mike is turning thirty this weekend. He is feeling really, really old.
I told him that for my birthday, I want two hours by myself. With NO interruptions. I Need Me Time. We'll see if that happens.

Who ever thought that abortion was a good idea?

2010-01-22T14:03:00.001-05:00

www.abort73.com

Today is the 37th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

Since then, nearly 50 million lives have
been lost to abortion. That is more than the COMBINED population of
Kentucky, Oregon, Oklahoma, Connecticut, Iowa, Mississippi, Arkansas,
Kansas, Utah, Nevada, New Mexico, West Virginia, Nebraska, Idaho,
Maine, New Hampshire, Hawaii, Rhode... Island, Montana, Delaware, South Dakota, Alaska, North Dakota, Vermont and Wyoming.

http://www.onlykent.com/20100122/roe-v-wade-anniversary-and-facts/

Remembering Amber Grace

2010-01-17T00:45:00.001-05:00

We miss you, sweet baby.

Today, our little friend Amber would be celebrating her first birthday. She would eat cake & ice cream for the first time. She would be learning to take her first steps. She would clap her hands, laugh, and rip pretty paper and bows off of gifts.

Instead, this day is marked with sadness. Her parents will be trying to get through the day with empty arms and aching hearts. Rather than getting Amber a birthday present, all I can do is leave flowers on her grave, and say a prayer for her and her family.

Amber Grace was only 4 1/2 months old when she went to heaven. She went peacefully, in her sleep. Such a tragedy, what a terrible, terrible loss. We cannot understand why God chose to take her home so soon, but we can choose to accept it.

She is deeply missed by her parents, Kristie and Cory, her big sister Samantha, her grandparents, and many friends and relatives. We take comfort in the fact that she is now living with Jesus.

You live on in our hearts, dear one.
We remember you every day.

Amber Grace Rasmussen

Born January 17th 2009 ~ Reborn June 6th 2009

All I Want for Christmas...

2009-12-20T23:02:00.003-05:00

Hannah wants a Barbie Scooter for Christmas. The three-wheel versions are all sold out. EVERYWHERE. They are out of stock at every single retailer in stores AND on the internet.
The only place I found them online were New Zealand & Australia, but shipping would take so long to arrive that it's not even worth it to try. I guess it will have to wait until her birthday.

This means that Santa is going to disappoint her for the second year in a row. Poor kid. I hope she likes this instead... it's what she's getting whether she likes it or not!

http://www.fisher-price.com/us/powerwheels/product.aspx?pid=47340

Christmas vacation

2009-12-13T13:41:00.003-05:00

First, I need to apologize for my lack of posts.
Haven't had many chances to be online lately.

We just spent a week in PA and for the next 5 days we will be in Maryland.
Traveling can be really exhausting. Plus, when you add-in all those midnight snack breaks and trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night.... well, I don't think any of us has gotten a full consecutive eight hours of sleep since being away from home.

But it's really nice to visit family and friends, and to spend time with everyone.

My kids are growing up and getting bigger.
It is really bittersweet to watch them grow so fast.
Aliah is still eating everything in sight.
As of 11 months old, she weighed 22 pounds.
It makes me sad that when people ask how old she is, I end up saying "almost one year old!" She isn't supposed to be that big - or at least it doesn't feel like it yet.

And then there's Hannah. She's such a smart girl. She can count to 40 or 50 on her own, and up to 100 with some help. So far her favorite Christmas gift is a Barbie... yeah, she's in that obsessed-with-Barbie stage that her father simply cannot stand.

Last night we ate dinner at an authentic mexican restaurant (I think my parents were feeling nostalgic for mexican food after their recent 10-day trip to Cancun). Mike and my parents had some really "good" (ie "really STRONG") margaritas, so I was the designated driver. Then we bought them a Christmas tree and drove it home by tying it on the top of our minivan. Good times.

Tonight we are having dinner with my parents and my mom's family.
Tomorrow... who knows?

Wanna be my friend?

2009-11-23T23:26:00.002-05:00

Ok, I have been avoiding it all this time, but tonight I have finally jumped on the bandwagon and joined Facebook. Let's see who notices me first. ((I'm gonna guess my mother.))

My Granny visited us this weekend. We had fun just hanging out at home, watching movies, pigging out on good food. She is disappointed that we won't be visiting them for Thanksgiving, for the second year in a row. But traveling this week is next to impossible because Mike only has 48 hours off between Tuesday and Thursday. It just doesn't work out. Anyways, Granny sent us a beautiful flower arrangement to say "thanks for your hospitality", which was very sweet of her.

This morning we had a playdate with some new friends. That was fun. Their 2 girls are about six months apart from Hannah and Aliah, so everyone had a playmate, and us moms got to have a little bit of grown-up conversation at the same time.

Aliah's eighth tooth is coming through this week. Tylenol helped her calm down last night, but I don't know if that's going to cut it for her tonight. We'll see.

Don't Send Him to the Grocery Store

2009-11-13T20:21:00.003-05:00

Marriage Rule Number 167:
Do not ever send your husband to the grocery store alone. Even if he has a specific, detailed list, he will spend at least twice as much as you want him to.

CASE IN POINT:
Mike said he was just going to "get out of the house", and then he went out and bought over $500 worth of groceries this afternoon!!! Granted, he got enough food for a month and a half... but seriously, don't you think that's a little excessive?! 0ur food budget just is not that large. Money does not grow on trees or magically fall out of the sky these days, you know.

Monster in the night

2009-11-12T03:15:00.002-05:00

Chubby Monster Baby Aliah has been awake since 12:30.
We are going into hour number three now, and I want to rip out my hair.
This is a rare occurrence for her. Usually she cries for 2 mins and goes right back to sleep. But no, not tonight! Tylenol is helping her, to keep her from screaming.... but I am really running out of steam.
We need to sleep!

Edited to add: She just conked out. It's 3:45am.
Now I am wide awake. Ahhhhh!

Growing Up

2009-11-09T23:46:00.004-05:00

To my dear Hannah,
You are such a sweet, loving girl! You are so caring and loving to your baby sister, and you are mommy's best-ever helper! I am very proud of you and all the grown-up things you've been learning and doing lately. But it is really bittersweet to watch you grow up.
There are many times, at the end of the day, when everything is quiet and calm and still, when I am overwhelmed by you. I might not always say it or show it correctly , but I love you so very much, pretty girl! I hope you know that. Even when I get frustrated or angry (especially when you scream and kick and cry about brushing your teeth!), I still love you just as much as ever. And during those quiet bedtime moments, when you are all snuggled up in your warm comfty bed, underneath pink & purple sheets, inside fluffy clean pjs, holding your favorite bear blanket - it is then, right there, that I want time to stop.
I just want more time with you. More time, just like this.
I ask if you can stay this age, this child size and shape, for always. And your reply is the same every time I ask: No mommy, I have to grow up.
You accept it as a fact of life, so simply and whole-heartedly. You think: Everyone grows up, so I will too. Then there is me, the grown-up, struggling to keep up with the reality of so much daily change and growth.
Even so, no matter how big you get, no matter how much you learn or how far you go, you will still be my little girl.
That's the way it is with children and parents.

Good news

2009-10-30T12:27:00.001-04:00

MIKE PASSED HIS PARAMEDIC EXAM!
Now he will be cleared to work anywhere in the United States!

Thank you to everyone who prayed for him this week.
God heard and answered our prayers.

Crawling to DC

2009-10-29T23:09:00.003-04:00

Aliah is crawling to DC, to demand change: a stronger law that will help keep our families safe and healthy, thereby protecting us from toxic chemicals found in household products. Go to this link to support Aliah's crawling efforts :)

My in-laws are coming to visit for the weekend! Other than following Hannah around downtown while she is trick-or-treating, I don't have any ideas of ways to entertain them while they are here. Poor Mike has to work 4 day shifts in a row, so he won't get to spend very much time with his parents :(

Also, Mike took his national paramedic exam last night. He has to wait one week for the test results. Pray that he passed (he is afraid that he failed)!

"Duh!" moment

2009-10-25T23:44:00.007-04:00

First, let me apologize for being MIA and not making updates over the past two weeks. Is it excuse enough that last week we drove over 1000 miles and slept in four different places within a 6-day stretch? (I still have yet to catch up on the monster pile of laundry that is lurking at the end of the hallway.)

I might elaborate on our lovely fall road trip another time, but for now let it suffice to say that we had a great time (despite Aliah contracting her first cold): camping with our college buddies was a blast, as was hanging out with my in-laws, playing with our adorable little nephew, and crashing at my parent's house in Maryland for one day.

What I really wanted to say tonight is this:
Tonight, Aliah said "duh" for duck! She has previously repeated a word or sound when I initiated, but never spontaneously said things on her own. She had just taken a bath and I was carrying her out of the bathroom. I turned around to flick off the bathroom lights. (Our bathroom is decorated with ducks, and the switchplate has 2 yellow duckies pictured on it.) Aliah reached up, and I thought she was trying to get the lightswitch - but then I heard her saying "duh duh duh." Ok, now I know that babies liek to babble, but this was a distincting different sound from the normal "da ba ba" baby-speak - and I realized that she was trying to say DUCK! "duh... k-k-k", she tried again. I think we stood there and pointed and talked to that lightswitch for a full five minutes. Hannah was wondering if Mommy had gone crazy... but honestly, it was a cute moment. And I knew that if I didn't write it out immediately, it will never ever make it into her baby book.

So there it is, Aliah's first word (other than Mama/Dada): Duck.

She also loves dogs (sometimes she even attempts to bark like a dog, screeching "uh! uh! uh!", while nodding her head, which is so cute, and absolutely hilarious!). Fittingly, she will be a puppy for Halloween.

Here is a sneak-peak of my costumed girls...

Ok, pardon the interruption, I just realized that the last four weeks of pictures are still trapped inside my camera. That meant downloading them all onto our computer before I could attempt to share them with anyone else.

So, attaching a picture took much longer than I had anticipated. Nevertheless, here are their Halloween costumes (not a wonderful photo of either of them, but you get the idea):

Goodnight, and have a wonderful week!

2009-10-14T22:21:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day.
http://www.october15th.com/

Sleep, glorious sleep.

2009-10-08T18:43:00.003-04:00

Guess what?
Guess how much I slept last night?

EIGHT solid hours.

Wow, I really needed that.

Guess how long Aliah slept?

C'mon, take a guess!

Did you guess yet?

She slept TEN hours! 9:30-7:30!

Dare I hope that it will happen again tonight?

2009-10-01T23:31:00.002-04:00

Can't believe that it's October now. It's gonna take some getting used to, writing "10" on the dates for everything.

Finances are not getting any better. Mike & I had a very long discussion about money today. If you know me well, you probably know that I don't like money: don't like talking about it, handling it, planning for it, budgeting, any of that. But, it must be done. At least we have a plan, and we have goals, and we're trying to get rid of debts. By next summer we should see some dramatic improvements.

After all that talking, Mike, Hannah, Aliah and I all ended up falling asleep for an hour (not all in the same bed though)! That was a rare treat. I can't remember the last time Hannah voluntarily went to sleep in the middle of the day!

I also had a deep conversation with a friend today, about why bad things happen to good people. It can be so hard to watch someone suffer or die, or see terrible things happen for an unknown cause. I know that God is in control of all things, but every day I have to re-surrender (is that a real word?) certain parts of my life, and give them back up to Him. Sometimes I really struggle with that. Especially when it comes to my children.

What are you struggling with this week?

Nine months.

2009-09-30T22:39:00.003-04:00

Aliah's nine-month-old check-up was yesterday. Here is what happened:

The nurse weighed and measured her, and... I was surprised to find out that she hadn't gained any weight since June! Well, maybe a few ounces, but not 2 or 3 pounds, as I had originally assumed. So, Mike was correct when he referred to Aliah as being 18 pounds - because she still is!

Her official stats are 18 lbs 13 oz, and 28 1/4 inches long.

So, all the nurses made a big deal about how she's dropped on the weight charts (went from 98% to 50%ish), and the doctor joked with me about it.... then quizzed me about Aliah's eating habits and "strongly suggested" that I add more protein to her diet. I had already started feeding her egg yolks last week, and had planned on giving her cheese/yogurt really soon. But seriously, if you have ever seen this child eat, you know that she is definitely not malnourished. Even if you've only seen her in pictures, it is obviously that her cheeks really couldn't get much bigger. But apparently her doctor thinks that she isn't taking in enough calories. How ironic is that?!

Because of this, Mike went out and bought 12 different kinds of jars of baby food. I am not exaggerating! ((Now please don't get me wrong, I have NO PROBLEM with jarred baby food... it is extremely convenient and fairly healthy. However, it is much more expensive than homemade baby food, which is what I've been doing lately, in the interest of saving time and money.)) However, knowing that we need to up the protein content in her foods, he bought all meat-flavored varieties of baby food. (Do you know how nasty they smell? I can't imagine that they taste much better than they smell.)

For those who might not know, I am a vegetarian. I have not eaten any meat since I was about 12 years old. Hannah does eat meat, but only because she chooses it (and no thanks to her mother, because I don't even cook it). Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with anyone who eats meat, I just don't do it myself. Suddenly though, the idea of feeding it to my infant is less-than-appealing. Seeing those jarred meat labels just totally grossed me out.

So, as it stands now, I AM adding dairy and protein to Aliah's diet, but only dairy products, not meat. Not yet. Maybe one of these days when she is home with Daddy, he'll resort to the jarred beef and vegetable dinner.... but I just can't stomach it.

Enough of that. I know my baby is healthy, regardless of what any doctors or nurses say.

In other news, Hannah's best friend and family are sick with the swine flu.
We are staying far, far away from them this week!

Almost Party Time

2009-09-25T13:21:00.003-04:00

Aliah just fell asleep in her highchair during lunchtime. She had cereal and applesauce smeared all over her face, yet she slept on. Can you imagine it? I love those kids of baby pictures!

My youngest brother's birthday was yesterday. He just turned nineteen.... oh, that makes me feel so old! He was so little when Mike first met him. He was only 11 years old when we got married!

The big birthday party for my Dad/family reunion is tomorrow.
Relatives are flying into DC & Baltimore tonight. Almost party time!

Unfortuneately, Mike will miss the party. He had to drive home last night, so that he could make it to work today. He's had over 2 weeks off, and although I know he enjoys his time away from work, I think he was gettng restless and bored just sitting around. I think working hard for the next 3 weeks will be good for him. After this roration, we'll get to take another family trip to PA! I can't wait for this college reunion, I just know that camping with all our favorite Cal U friends will be so much fun!

Diaper stories

2009-09-23T06:21:00.004-04:00

Two days ago, when I woke up on Monday morning, I heard some muffled noises coming from Aliah's room, so I went to check on her. I found her laying in her crib with her legs sticking straight up in the air (typical), and she was COMPLETELY NAKED! I had changed her in the middle of the night, and not bothered to her pants back on. BAD IDEA! She had somehow managed to get her shirt off too, and she was actually CHEWING ON HER DIAPER! Needless to say, she will not be wearing velcro-close diapers at nighttime anymore!!!

Mike's reaction: "You have got to write that one in her baby book!"

Speaking of nighttime and diapers: it's been one month since Hannah started wearing underwear to bed. She is still having an accident at night about once a week - but I shouldn't complain, because that's a whole lot better than multiple times a night! Whenever Aliah wakes me up in the middle of the night (which is usually once or twice per night), I will make Hannah use the bathroom, but half the time she doesn't even have to pee.
More news on Hannah: She is getting so much closer to reading on her own! She can sound out the letters, but she still sometimes has a difficult time putting them all together in the right way. She does have some words memorized, like "the", "stop", "and", "mom" and "dad".

I am taking bets on how much Aliah will weigh at her nine-month-old check-up next week. Any guesses? I think she will be really close to 21 lbs. Maybe 20 1/2 pounds.

We are visiting my family in Maryland for the next six days.
We arrived yesterday evening. Hannah is really bummed that it is too cold to swim today. She was very much looking forward to swimming in Yoma's pool one more time. This weekend we are having a big party/family reunion for my Dad's 50th birthday. My brother,aunt and uncle are flying in from LA right now, as I write this. It should be interesting!

2009-09-17T23:29:00.002-04:00

It is 11:30 pm, and right now my husband is chasing deer through our neighborhood.
He just attempted to hit one with his car (and failed).
He told me that he wishes he owned a gun; if we did, he says we'd be eating venison this week.

I think he is insane.
What's your opinion?

third tooth

2009-09-16T21:02:00.001-04:00

Aliah got her third tooth today.... FINALLY!
I think she's been teething since June.

This afternoon, our driveway looked like a used-car junkyard.

2009-09-15T23:02:00.004-04:00

Our MOPS meeting tonight went really well. There were five moms who showed up tonight. I am hoping for more moms to come in the future, but right now I am really happy with our little group. I also recently joined a Bible study that meets on Wednesday mornings. Our first real meeting is tomorrow - I'm hoping to learn and grow there as well.

I am afraid that Aliah is coming down with something. She has been vomiting/spitting up all of her milk, and she has had 3 diarrhea-like diapers today (although it might have been because of the avocado that she ate for dinner last night?). No fever right now, but we'll be keeping a close eye on her.

Mike spent 10 or 12 hours trying to fix our vehicles today. It took him quite awhile to figure out exactly how to change the brakes on the minivan. For awhile this afternoon, our driveway looked like a used-car junkyard. But he ultimately did a great job. Then he had to replace the starter and the battery in his old Chevy Lumina (which probably isn't worth more than $300, but he loves that broken old car!). Too bad we had to go into debt in order to make those much-needed repairs. All 3 vehicles need to be inspected really soon. And taxes paid, and registration fees.... oh, how I hate money!

It's only been 4 days since Mike last worked (10 more vacation days to go!), and already he is getting antsy and impatient being at home. Only two more days until we get another paycheck... I think we'll make it. Because ---

GOD is providing for all of our needs!

I hate money.

2009-09-08T15:04:00.003-04:00

I have spent an hour online this afternoon, looking for more part-time work.
Money and finances have always been a sore spot for me.
Right now, Mike and I are struggling to pay all of our bills on time. I am trying hard to continue to trust that God will provide for everything we need.... but somehow we come up short every month, and our credit card debt is creeping up instead of going down. It is getting to be really hard to keep on trusting God.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful for all that we have... I'm just concerned. There isn't anything else that we can cut out of our monthly budget, yet our expenses continue to increase.

Eight months old.

2009-08-29T15:59:00.002-04:00

ALIAH is now EIGHT MONTHS OLD!
She has recently learned new tricks, like clapping her hands, crawling, picking up tiny things with her hands, eating finger foods, and signing "more" when she wants more food! This kid is like a bottomless pit!
We just spent a week driving all over MD and PA, visiting for the grandmas birthdays. One of these days I will posts more pics of the kids - they are still stuck on the camera as of now.

Church conversations.

2009-08-16T12:33:00.002-04:00

Today I finally had that conversation that I've been avoiding (which I mentioned here). I kept it short and simple and to the point. I think it went over pretty well.... but only time will tell.

I am trying not to feel guilty about relationships that are and will be changing.
But at the same time, I still don't feel completely at peace about our new decision, which is this: I think we've found our new church home.

Nevertheless, we are moving forward.

Crawling... pictures!

2009-08-15T15:12:00.011-04:00

It is sad that it's already the middle of August, and that the summer is almost over. I feel like it's only just begun!

I don't really know what to say - seems like we are so busy these days, it's hard to sit down and write any coherent thoughts. It seems that all of my days are just one big blur of motion and activity, with a time of trying to rest thrown in at the end.

Mike-the-workaholic has been working hard, long hours, many days and nights, to provide for our family. I'm really thankful that he has a steady, reliable, if somewhat unpredictable, job.

Hannah is now learning to read and write her numbers. She is good at recognizing them, but sometimes she still confuses 6 and 9. It's amazing to me, the way her mind works. Sometimes she remembers things even better than me!

We now have a crawling baby at our house! Well, let me clarify that: Aliah has certainly perfected the army crawl, but she does not yet crawl on all fours. Instead, she does the perfect imitation of an inchworm - but she's beginning to scoot around really fast! Hannah is really going to have to watch out for her toys and papers and things. Aliah's favorite noise is the sound of crumpling or ripping paper.

hurt

2009-08-09T23:49:00.005-04:00

Yeah, I know, I'm a big slacker.
Go ahead, tell me that I need to update more often.

Ever since Ally and the kids came to visit, I have been too busy & preoccupied to play on the computer. I still need to download all those pictures we took last week....

Somehow, last night I pulled (sprained?) a muscle in my left neck/shoulder, and it makes everything painful and difficult. Just picking up Aliah or changing her diaper hurts. Moving my neck hurts. Mike keeps reminding me to take some pain relievers, but so far Advil and Motrin have not helped at all.

There is a conversation I need to have that I've been avoiding. I'm hoping to take care of that within the next few days, and then I will elaborate on it a little more.

New teeth, new diapers.

2009-07-25T23:18:00.003-04:00

Everyone else is asleep, but my brain just doesn't want to settle down for the night quite yet. I have been awake with the baby since 5am, so it's been a loooong day for us. By 9pm I was getting frustrated that we (mainly, Hannah and I) weren't in bed yet, but now I think I've caught that 'second wind', and I'm looking around the house for things to do!

Aliah will be getting more teeth very soon. Tonight her gums were red and swollen and it took her about an hour to settle down for bed, instead of instantly going to sleep like she normally does. Orajel helped. Did you know that this little girl is wearing 12-month-sized shirts and 12-18 month pants???

Aliah has been exclusively wearing cloth diapers for about a month now, and I can't complain one bit! You do have to change them a little more often than Huggies or Pampers, and washing off the poop isn't my favorite part... but it's saving us lots of money! Mike was concerned that I would wear out our washer and dryer with the extra laundry, but he hasn't noticed any extra laundry, because I wash all the baby things together, so it's not any different. Besides, when was the last time he touched the laundry?!

My new ebay obsession is cloth diapers. This week I am getting 3 pocket diapers for $5.50, free shipping included. My next quest will be for nighttime diapers (in Hannah's size - then we wont EVER buy ANY diapers again!).

As for Mike's bizarre, awkward work situation, we are hoping that everyone will just forget about it and move on. He was able to confront his boss and asked that she not mention anything like this ever again. He will get some extra teasing from his co-workers in the weeks to come, but that's about it.

Thank goodness.

I'm going to try to get some sleep.
It might be a drama-filled day tomorrow.
I'll let you know...

Mike at work.

2009-07-23T14:24:00.004-04:00

Yesterday Mike found a tiny, starving stray kitten at work, roaming around behind the ambulance base. Last night he left plenty of food and water for it, and planned to feed it again today. This morning when he arrived at work, the kitten was dead, laying as if sleeping, underneath an abandoned truck.

Shortly after Mike got to work, his supervisor publicly accused him of having an affair with a coworker!!! He called to let me know about the situation, but... it's ludicrous that the supervisor would openly accuse him of something like this without any proof. Just terrible. (Poor Mike, all he does is work, and come home to sleep. He doesn't need this extra stress and pressure!)

I don't know what is going to come of it all, but I just keep praying that Mike can keep his cool, and that his name and his reputation will remain clean.

ChuckECheese, and other childhood adventures.

2009-07-12T08:56:00.008-04:00

Our cute little Chubby Bunny is such a happy baby girl! Even with a bizzare rash covering most of her body (our dr. called it something like "pitoriosis"?), she will still smile at anyone who pays attention to her, and laughs and squeals at her parents and big sister.

Aliah ate peas for the first time this week. She did not have a high opinion of them. As you can see, she preferred her thumb more than the peas. Now we will be moving on to pureed squash.

Our Hannah-Princess is getting taller, and learning new things by leaps and bounds. She wore this outfit all around the house the other day... and to the store, and to the museum!

Yesterday we went to a friend's birthday party at ChuckECheese. This is one of my least-enjoyed places of the modern world, but Hannah loved the rides and games so much that we were the last ones to leave the party! I could not drag her out of the hamster tube play area (she called it an "inside playground.")

Mike is working too much these days, but I won't complain, because I know that God is protecting us and providing for us abundantly.

And yes, to those who are still wondering, we did get a new AC unit. After several thousand dollars and quite a few hours of hot sweaty labor, it has been installed, checked, and re-checked. Our house is now a decent temperature, even cool enough to sleep comfortably inside of it!

Leaving again.

2009-07-02T07:19:00.000-04:00

We are going to my parents house for the weekend.
At least they have air conditioning!
Please pray for Mike as he tries to figure out a way to find and pay for a new AC unit, and begins another 28-day rotation at work.

Prayers needed.

2009-07-01T18:50:00.002-04:00

Pray for us!!!
Our finances are already drained.
Tonight our AC died, and it is 96 degrees here.

I don't know what we are going to do...

Six months old!

2009-06-28T14:55:00.001-04:00

Happy Six Months Old, Pretty Girl!
You are such a special, precious gift from God.
We are so excited and blessed to be your parents.
We Love You SO Much, baby.... and we can't wait to see you learn and grow even more in the months and years to come!

Krissy's picture game

2009-06-24T08:17:00.003-04:00

Krissy's Picture Challenge: Choose your Top 5 pictures of baby's first year.
It was pretty simple for me to choose, because of the limitations I had: The pictures we have saved on our hard drive only go back to when Hannah was about six months old, so I only had 6 months of Hannah pictures to sift through, PLUS Aliah is not quite six months old yet, so basically I took my favorite picture from each month, minus February, when she was really sick... same with the both-girls-together pics. ENJOY!

Hannah's second time holding Aliah, when she was about 24 hours old. She is still such a proud big sister!

January 2009, when Aliah was about 2 weeks old.Hannah's favorite thing to do in the morning is to lay in bed with her baby sister. It's been six months and she STILL asks to do this every morning when she first wakes up!

So sweet. Hannah, 4 years old, Aliah, 2 months old. They are wearing matching outfits, which have since grown too small, but Hannah would ask to wear those ridiculously loud clothes allllll the time!

My happy girls! Aliah, five months old.

This week. Hannah feeding Aliah her first taste of baby food!

Top Five Pictures of Aliah:

one day old

About 3 weeks old

Two months old - a week or two after her RSV ICU stay.

Three months old

Five months old - I *LOVE* this picture!!!

Hannah's first time in a real, outdoor swing. I think she was screaming with terror, not happiness!

Hannah around 5 months old?

Hannah at nine months old

Hannah at ten months old. This was the first time that she walked while holding onto something. She spent the better part of an hour pushing that laundry basket all around the room!

Hannah at 12 months old, with her Daddy :)

Chubby Bunny eats baby food.

2009-06-20T17:46:00.003-04:00

This week Aliah began to eat baby food.

Which do you think she likes better: baby cereal, or her own toes?!

Aliah just ate 5 oz. of baby cereal, in addition to her regular liquid meal.

That's a huge dinner! I didn't think her tiny tummy could hold so much food!

She's getting so big; I can't wait to see how much she's grown at her six-month check-up.

Last night I hosted a Father's day craft night for all of our little MOPS friends. It was fun, they all made gifts for their daddies/grandpas, PLUS it gave the other moms a break from their kids for an hour or two, AND Mike got to sit at home in a very quiet house until 8:30pm! Bonus, good times all around.

Poor sad little Hannah.

2009-06-18T21:21:00.003-04:00

Hannah is currently crying herself to sleep.
Actually, it's more like SCREAMING herself to sleep, and I'm afraid that she will wake up Aliah during the process.
I know she's had an exhausting day, but apparently she has reached the no-holds-barred, break-down melting point. During our bedtime routine, while I was helping her brush her teeth, she thrashed and bit and kicked so much that her gums started to bleed! I had to physically restrain her from throwing herself against the ground and banging her head up against the wall. Then I restrained her again when she repeatedly crawled out of bed, still screaming, with tears running down her shirt.
None of us has been getting enough sleep this week, Mike included, which only adds to our misery. Maybe tonight we'll all finally sleep more than a couple hours at a time!

random things

2009-06-17T22:07:00.004-04:00

Eleven days ago, Baby Amber went to Heaven.
She was going to be five months old today.
I sent her parents another card this morning, just to let them know that I'm still thinking of them and praying for them.

In other news...

Today was Day 3 of Aliah eating baby cereal. She makes squealing noises, chews on the spoon, and sucks the food into her mouth. She's becoming really good at sitting up on her own. Hannah's new favorite things to do with her baby sister are taking a bath together and playing peekaboo.

Our exciting event of the day was going to our new local Walmart's grand opening. It really wasn't so special, and I spent more money than I should have for the week.

We're babysitting for eight hours tomorrow and it's gearing up to be a very long, tiring, HOT day.

On Friday I am hosting a MOPS craft night so that the kids can make some Father's Day gifts.

I just discovered the site wishuponahero.com and it seems like a neat way to help people who really need it!

The funeral

2009-06-14T21:47:00.004-04:00

Amber's funeral service was yesterday. It was a beautiful message, but I sobbed uncontrollably through the entire thing. Their pastor did an amazing job of tying the sufferings of Jesus and the salvation concept into the eulogy. And after singing some worship songs, there wasn't a single person left dry-eyed when they played a slide-show of Amber's life, accompanied by Watermark's song "Glory Baby."

It is such a powerful testimony to the Lord, the way this family is rejoicing even in their pain and grief. I've been having a hard time praising Him through this sad time, yet Corey and Kristie seem to be filled with a grace and heavenly understanding that I don't quite have yet. I am fully certain that God will bless this family. I don't know the purpose of Amber's sudden, unexplained death, but it gave me chills when her aunt read the verse in Psalm 139, about how "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before even one of them came to be." We cannot know what God has in store for this family, but I am trusting in the fact that his plans are far better than any of our own ideas.

I haven't cried yet today. I haven't really gotten the chance to be alone with my thoughts. Aliah is now getting her second tooth, and Hannah has been grating on my nerves A WHOLE LOT this weekend.

Baby Amber

2009-06-11T09:51:00.001-04:00

DURHAM - Baby Amber Grace Rasmussen, entrusted to the loving care of her parents, Kristen Hontz Rasmussen and Corey Drew Rasmussen on January 17, 2009, returned home unexpectedly to her Savior, Jesus Christ, on June 6, 2009.

In addition to her parents, baby Amber's family includes her sister, Samantha Kate Rasmussen; maternal grandparents, Duane and Diana Hontz of Newtown Square, Pa.; paternal grandparents, Kenneth and Mary Rasmussen of Cypress, Calif.; and many aunts, uncles, and cousins. We anticipate with great joy our reunion with her for eternity.

The celebration of Amber's life will take place on Saturday, June 13 at 10 a.m. at The Summit Church, Cole Mill Road Campus, where the family attends. Dr. J.D. Greear and Pastor Will Roberts will be officiating. Interment will follow at Maplewood Cemetery.

Clements Funeral Service, Inc. in Durham is assisting the Rasmussen family.

Baby Amber

2009-06-07T19:02:00.001-04:00

I am heartbroken for my friend and her family.
Yesterday they celebrated a wedding, and today they woke up to find their daughter dead. She went to sleep and never woke up. I cannot imagine the horror of living through that. Please pray for this kind, sweet, God-loving family, who is terribly missing their baby daughter, Amber.
Amber was only 4 1/2 months old. She will be terribly missed.

How do you keep your child from picking their nose?

2009-06-06T23:39:00.005-04:00

How do you stop your child from picking their nose? Hannah gave herself a nosebleed tonight because she kept sticking her finger up there! YUCK!

Can you tell that this girl is a big ham in front of the camera?

Aliah's tooth is pushing through and has been making her fussy.
Earlier today, she was sitting up on her own for about 30 seconds at a time.
It's not for very long, yet... but still, I think that's amazing, being that she's only 5 months and one week old!

Also, last night she slept from 2-9:30 am, so I got an awesome amount of sleep yesterday! I even got to take a nap this afternoon! YES! It makes me feel so much better, when I get enough sleep.

I actually feel like a normally functioning person this weekend, instead of frustrated, tired, sleep-deprived zombie mom. I even had enough energy to walk around the neighborhood with Hannah. We went about one mile (though Hannah whined the whole time. oh well. Can't please everyone).

Travelling, friends.

2009-06-02T17:20:00.006-04:00

WE SPENT THE WEEKEND with my family in Maryland, and are now in the middle of a 5-day excursion in PA. Last night I got a rare treat: Girls Night Out! Dinner with some of my favorite college friends. It was great to see each of you, especially the newest addition! :) Thanks for helping me relax, my God's Girls!

Our chubby little bunny has done quite a few things for the first time this week, including meeting more relatives and friends, "jumping" on a trampoline, "swimming" in the pool, and drinking from a sippy cup, as seen here:

Did I mention that our miracle baby, at fuve months old, now weighs 17 lbs?!
AND - Aliah is also getting her first tooth as we speak! This has resulted in her first tastes of Orajel and Tylenol. She is stil as happy as ever; so far, her only complications are trouble falling asleep.

Have a good week.... we'll be back home on FRIDAY NIGHT!

Travelling

2009-05-30T06:50:00.003-04:00

We're on vacation! We're spending the weekend with my parents in Maryland, then ten days in PA with in-laws and friends.

The girls are being totally spoiled by relatives, and Mike is trying to relax during his week off. My parents pool is calling my name - I didnt get to swim yesterday. Maybe I will, after breakfast. The water is still chilly. But Hannah wore her bathing suit all day long - she can really get around in the pool (as long as she's connected to some sort of floatation device).

Everyone else is still asleep around here - big party last night.
Hannah did NOT want to leave the party. (She has been extra-stubborn for the past two weeks.) She stayed up until 11:30pm! Most of the other people left around midnight.

The sunrise woke me up. Aliah gifted me with 6 solid hours of sleep this morning, so I dont feel quite as tired as I have during the past few days. Taking some naps this week will also help :)

Our days are filled with family, friends, and fun.

2009-05-21T22:32:00.003-04:00

Lots of stuff going on. You know, the usual:
Babysitting, playdates, plenty of playgrounds, field trips to the library, museum, petting zoo, ect. Walks around the neighborhood, bike riding, hiking through the trails at the park, splashing in the river. Trying not to get sunburned. Teaching Hannah how to roller-skate.

We made a new mommy-friend today! Awesome. I think she really needs a place like MOPS, to get a few hours away from the kids and have adult conversations once in a while. I gave her all my contact info and we made plans to meet again next week. I really hope she follows through.

Tomorrow: Playdate with MOPS. Picking strawberries at a local farm. Potluck dinner with MOPS friends from church.

We just survived a week (4 days, actually) with Granny. It went exceptionally well! I honestly would not mind having her come back in the future! I was amazed that we all got along so well!

Mike and I get to celebrate our wedding anniversary this weekend. Can you believe that we got married six years ago? SIX?! My goodness, it doesn't seem like it's been that long already!

Planning a week vacation from May 29-June 5th. Aliah will get to see all her grandparents, and even meet some relatives for the first time. This girl is HUGE, she's now wearing size 9-12 month clothes!!! She is still wanting to eat 3-4 hours all the time around the clock - I feel like every week she goes through another growth spurt. Hannah is still a very loving, devoted, generous older sister for this baby. Aliah found her toes/feet the other day, smiles at another who will pay attention to her, laughs hysterically at peekaboo, and is beginning to try to sit up on her own. She'll be 5 months old next week! Eeeeek!

Why can't time stand still for just a little while?

Another potty accident.

2009-05-17T22:32:00.003-04:00

I don't want to become one of those people that only posts 3 or 4 times a month. So, here is an extra update from our house: Hannah peed all over the kitchen floor tonight. We were each getting ready for bed; I heard her run to the bathroom and flush the potty, and I thought nothing of it. Then Mike went into the kitchen for a drink of water and said "Hannah, did you spill water all over the floor?" Immediately, I realized that it was not water....
I have been trying to explain to Hannah about apologizing, and forgiveness. Tonight she was practically begging for mercy, but it took her a good 20 minutes to say she was sorry. (I know it was an accident, but we made her apologize, because it was a REALLY big mess.) She helped me clean up the mess, we read some stories and said prayers, and that was the end of it.

In good news, Aliah slept from 12-6:30am this morning!
I wish she would do that a little more consistently.
Our chubby little bunny is now wearing 9-month sized clothes!

Cleaning, church hunting.

2009-05-17T14:44:00.003-04:00

This morning at church we took a congregational survey. The objective is to find areas of weakness, improve on them, and help the church to grow. It will be interesting to see the results. Mike and I are dissatisfied with our current church leadership. For this and other varying reasons, I will be church hunting next Sunday.

I have been doing quite a lot of praying and soul-searching over the past few weeks. I feel that God is trying to push me in a new direction, but I'm having a really difficult time determining precisely what He wants me to be doing. Should I continue leading MOPS? Should I keep serving moms and children? Am I missing something???

Cleaning is such a losing battle. I have mountains of laundry to fold. My Granny is coming to visit this week, beginning tomorrow, and Mike is constantly nagging me to "clean something." I know that not everything in our house is spotless, but I wish he'd be a little more specific. What exactly bothers him so much?

I hope this visit with Granny goes well. There always seems to be a lot of tension whenever we are around her for any length of time.

Peekaboo

2009-05-11T22:26:00.001-04:00

Peekaboo

The things kids say

2009-04-28T21:56:00.000-04:00

Quote of the day from Hannah:
"Chickens and cows make chicken burgers and milk."

new milestone

2009-04-21T22:26:00.000-04:00

Sorry for my absence. I've had a cold/allergies for the past week.
Plus our computer hasn't been working - some kind of bizarre error that happened while Mike was doing our taxes... uh, but that's a very long story.
Anyways, we had a fun Easter, our friends from college got to visit with us for 4 days!
Last Saturday we went to the zoo.... it was an incredibly long, exhausting day.

And...
((drumroll
please!))
Aliah learned how to roll over today!
She is such a big girl.

I tried to d/l pictures but they aren't working right now. Maybe tomorrow.

Another week gone by

2009-04-08T11:39:00.004-04:00

Many thanks to everyone who responded.
Its been one week since I started taking Zoloft, and although I dont feel any changes yet, I do feel that something is going to give soon. I keep praying that I can hold myself together, with God as my strength.

We got home late last night from a whirlwind trip to Pittsburgh. Aliah absolutely HATED sitting in her carseat for nine hours. But we got to meet our new nephew, Baby Alex, who is totally adorable, and spend a few days with Mike's family. We even saw some snow yesterday!

I will upload pictures later. Tonight our friends Matt & Laura are coming to stay with us for Easter, and the house is a wreck! I've already done 3 loads of laundry and washed the dishes, but there are still a hundred other things to finish. I just told Mike: "I refuse to change out of my pjs until I get to take a shower!" He's out buying groceries for me right now, so that I dont have to lug both cranky kids through the store. Meanwhile, Hannah is doing an excellent job of distracting the baby so that I can fold laundry and clean the bathroom.... here I go again.

Depressed.

2009-04-01T17:49:00.003-04:00

I have PPD again. I am not surprised. ((Actually, I thought it would have kicked in sooner, like in February, when Aliah was so sick.)) But I am kind of worried, wondering how we will afford to get me the help I need.

Anyway, as of Monday, I am back on Zoloft again. I am so tired of putting on a happy face and trying to act like Im fine, because Im not. I am frustrated and fed-up and feeling guilty about every little thing I do. And I can't keep taking it out on the people closest to me. It is not fair to my family and it is not fair to myself.

Yesterday was terrible. We were scheduled to do nothing, but by lunchtime I had a houseful of FIVE kids! It was a really really really long day. We didnt get home from babysitting drop-off until 5:45, then I had to lead MOPS at 6:30 - and only one other person showed up. Bust.

To top it off, Hannah now has a really awful case of diarhea. Poor girl! I feel terrible for her and Mike is really paraniod that she will get Aliah sick again. Do you know how impossible it is to keep two children away from each other when you only live in a 1100-square-foot house?

Anniversary of a loss.

2009-03-27T07:43:00.004-04:00

It's been a little over two years since my first miscarriage. I have not forgotten, but the pain and heartache is considerably less than it was in 2007 and 2008.

I remember feeling a whole lot of anger and bitterness at first. Now, it is just sadness, and thankfulness for what I do have.

On the anniversary date, I was kind of down, but didnt realize exactly why until almost a full week later. I think that is because, although I never will forget that day, I think of my losses as more of a season than a specific day: Spring for 1, Summer (Father's Day) for 2, and Christmastime for 3.

When I visited Maryland last weekend, I learned that a childhood friend had recently suffered through a miscarriage. It was her first pregnancy. It seems like she has a lot of support, and I am grateful that she does, because I remember feeling so very alone. She seemed to be dealing very well, especially since the whole pregnancy was a surprise in the first place. I'm glad I could talk with her about it, and that she opened up to me and was willing to share her story.

I am still working on writing my miscarrige book. The words come slowly, in little entires or essays here and there. I hope that one day I can make something beautiful and cohesive out of all these thoughts and prayers.

2009-03-25T21:23:00.001-04:00

Sorry Ive been MIA. Busy busy busy with the kids.

We went to Maryland, to see my family for the weekend. Aliah's first road trip - I had almost forgotten what it was like to travel with an infant. We had to stop about every hour for something or other. Not so fun.

It was a subdued trip, without my brother ("A") or my dad's side of the family around. And it was especially exhausting for me: between feeding Aliah, coping with her fussiness (she really hated being in her carseat for six hours, poor girl!), and dealing with Hannah's potty accidents - with all of us sleeping together in one room - I got very little sleep.

Needless to say, Hannah is not ready for overnight potty training yet. I had to wash all of her clothes TWICE, and we were only there for 2 nights! Yuck. Sometimes she will flat-out refuse to pee in the toilet. I dont know what to do with her! That girl is really stubborn. She only does things if and when she wants to.
My mom kept telling me things like "Be encouraging, don't get mad at her; she can't help it." But Hannah has been out of diapers for a year and a half! It's not like she can't use the potty. She just doesn't think it is important. She doesn't even seem to care if her pants get wet! Now it's just turned into a power struggle, and I really hate it.

It doesn't help matters that Mike scheduled himself to work a whole bunch of extra overtime this month. He is working 26 days in March. 26 days x 12 hours = a big paycheck, but it isnt worth it if you never get to spend time with your family. Maybe this weekend we'll get some time together - it's the one weekend in this whole rotation that Mike has off from work!

In other news, the girls are getting baptised on Sunday!

And now I need to fall in bed and go to sleep before Aliah gets hungry again. The rest of my laundry might not be washed or folded, but at least we all have clean sheets tonight.

One year ago, I found hope renewed.

2009-03-16T21:46:00.004-04:00

Exactly one year ago, I was down on my knees, in front of our whole church congregation, praying for an answer to the question "Will we ever have more children?"
(Click here to read about March 16, 2008.)
I was trying hard to make peace with the the fact that I had just suffered through 3 heartwrenching pregnancy losses in less than 12 months. I was this close to giving up on becoming pregnant again (I had already scheduled meetings with a caseworker and social services, about foster care and adoption possibilities).
I asked God to show me what to do next, and He did! I got pregnant a few weeks later. In April, I took a positive pregnancy test... and eight months after that, Aliah was born. Hannah gave me Hope, and with Aliah, I now have Grace (see why they have these middles names?).

It is so neat to be able to look back and see how God has been working these, and other, miracles in my life. It proves to me that all things work together for good, according to His purposes. And I am so very thankful for our precious baby girl!!!

Eternal Questions from a Four Year Old

2009-03-14T21:47:00.005-04:00

Lunchtime today: Our planned picnic was rained out, so Hannah opted to eat her picnic lunch in the car. I said ok, since I had to sit somewhere and feed Aliah, and I figured that was a good enough place to keep Hannah contained and dry for about 30 minutes.

Hannah suddenly turned to me and asked "Mommy? When can I go live with Jesus?"
I was a little surprised by this question. "You mean, in heaven?"
"Yes. When can I go to heaven?"
"Well sweetie, we can only go to heaven if we believe in him, and if we are dead."
"Well, when will I die?"
"I'd rather not think about that. Probably not for a very long time."
"Maybe in fifteen years! That's a long time! Or maybe even 11 or 12 years." (I think 11 has recently become her favorite number.)
"Maybe", I said, trying to eat my sandwich.
Then Hannah said "Grandma Pete died and went to heaven."
"That's right Hannah, she did."
"And it was sad."
"It was sad, and I would be very sad if you died."
"I would be really sad if you died too, Mommy. And it would be really really sad if Daddy or Aliah died."
I tried to explain that heaven is actually a very happy place, and steer the conversation back to happy things, but then she went quiet. And that was the end of it.

Well, that was our lunchtime conversation. What was yours?