"When?"

Today, the hardest question posed to me is not "why?", but "when?"

My 5yo just asked "Mommy, do you know when the baby is going to leave?"
"Well, she's going to have a visit today, so she'll go with Ms. ___ for a little while, and then she'll come back."
"But do you know when she is going to leave and never come back?"
"No, I don't know."
"Did anyone tell you what day it would be, when she will leave and not come back?"
"No babe, no one told me when that day will be."

I was tempted to add "or IF that day will come", but I didn't.
We'll cross that road another day.

We have told our kids that "foster" means "for a little while", but it's something I've said a few times to them, not every day or every week. I didn't know that it was so firmly entrenched in the 5yos mind.
And although there has been mention of "adoption" lately, I try not to get the children involved in the complex adult details, setbacks, and legalities of foster care, so as far as I am aware, they don't know much about the baby's case, except that she is with us. For now. For today.

As the old saying goes: Today is a gift, that's why it is called "the present". Really, if you think about it, who of us has been promised more time than the present? Sure, we all think that we are going to wake up tomorrow, and then next day, next week, month, year, etc, but life doesn't last forever. We don't know what tragedy or hardship awaits us in the future. Foster parenting has taught me to hold ALL my kids, not just the "foster" ones, with a lighter hand. Because in the end, they are God's children, not mine. He has ultimate control over them. So, while I think that I have some measure of control in their day-to-day lives, it is really He who is the ultimate authority, over all of us.

I can take comfort in this fact. Even on the days when I get supremely angry, I am PMSing, I am running on 4 hours of sleep or less, and I've been so busy taking care of other little people's needs that I have neglected my own.... HE is God, His ways are not my ways, and His plans are far better and grander than my own. Nothing I say, do, or think will change or hinder the God of the universe (no matter how royally I mess up on any given day).

And that, my friends, is a truth that I will rest in.

So, for today, I will be patient and not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough trouble of it's own. Now I'm off to read Matthew 6 again....