Monday, April 20, 2015

sin and death

We were talking about a famous person in history who had died, and my 4year old busted out with "I know why people die, Momy. Its because we all sin."
Whoa, buddy. That is too deep for a Monday morning.

PS We can thank Awana Cubbies for instilling this concept into my preschooler. Nevertheless, it did tie in nicely with our family Bible devotional study, which was about Romans chapter 7.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Just a feeling...

Happy Foster Anniversary!
Today marks one year since Baby came to stay with us.

We know now that Baby will not be with us forever (as we had originally been told, been planning for, been wishing with all our hearts!). And as we wait for the next court date and the final verdict from the judge, I continue to wonder: What's next?

There have been times in my life when I have been led to action.... Like last year, when I woke up with the words "Pray for a seven year old boy" running through my mind, even before I got the call about him. Or last spring, when I was about to get rid of the diaper bag, but pulled it out of the donation pile and put it into the back of the closet instead. I didn't know why I was prompted to do these things, but I did it anyway. Maybe God was trying to tell me something :)

Today I woke up with that mixture of excited anticipation and wonder of the unknown rolling around in my stomach. Early this afternoon, I made lunch for 10 people (us, plus some friends), and as I was cleaning up, I felt it again: Something is coming. Good news is on the way.

I don't know if we will get a call for a new placement soon, if our newest foster child is being born or being placed into care as I write this, or if Mike will come home from work with some kind of exceptional news... but I know that good days are ahead of us.

I can feel it. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Annual review meeting

This afternoon we had our 12-month post-placement home inspection, with the baby's SW and our licensing SW. They spent a little over an hour at our house, sitting in the living room on comfy chairs and couches, making small-talk and joking with the big kids, then discussing baby's development, daily life, visitation schedule, upcoming court date, concerns, etc.

Because it's been almost 2 years since we received our foster parent license, our licensing worker was required to ask us about changes in household (no, we don't have any new people living here), changes in income (Mike still has the same job), bedrooms and bed arrangements, making sure our stove, fridge and water work, etc. Now we have to update our medical records, background checks, and re-take First Aid and CPR classes, plus complete another fire inspection. It is a pretty decent pile of paperwork, but we've done it all before, and it shouldn't take too much effort to finish everything.

(They seemed very pleasantly surprised that we are willing to re-license again, after all the drama and back-and-forth stuff in the last year. The baby's SW told me "We just don't know what we'd do without you!" I think they are really low on available foster homes/beds right now.)

Ha! Speaking of being low on beds, our licensing worker asked if we have an extra bed (we do), and mentioned another possible placement. She didn't give us many details, because all the kids were listening, and we try not to tell them too many adult details, if you know what I mean. So all she really said was that there was a 4yo boy in foster care... Didn't even tell us his name or anything else about him, only that he existed.

However, Hannah heard this part of the conversation, and told me later "Mom, I really don't want that boy to come here. We already have ONE four year old boy, we do NOT need another one! I'd rather have a bigger kid come to live with us... Like S." You know, the kid we all really, really wanted to make ours, but someone else is going to adopt instead. It was like a stab in the heart.

Anyway, the SW said this mystery 4yo would be a "permanent placement", as in, the plan for him is adoption. Well, we've heard that a few times before! :P We can't make a decision to move forward without having more information about the case... so, in the meantime, I'm trying to be patient and not get my hopes up.

That was our afternoon.

We will see what the future holds.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

March 18th

March 18, 2015:

I’ve had some major disappointments this week.

It would be easy to curl up in bed and cry. It would be easy to say “no” to everything. It would be easy to give up on being happy or moving forward. It would be easy to take out my frustrations on others. However, I am rarely ever called to take the EASY road. No, that would just be too.... easy. I have the sneaking suspicion that this is not one of those “easy” times. I might feel shaken up, beaten down, depressed or disappointed, I might not be joyful or thankful about certain things… BUT…

But Jesus is on my side. And He continues to show me that my life is not based only on the circumstances that surround me. I do not need to put away joy just because some things happening around me are painful, or hard to swallow, or just plain sad and unfair.

 Psalms tells us that “Joy comes in the morning.” 
That means THIS morning, and EVERY morning, should be joyful.

I might not be good at being thankful in all circumstances, but I think I can take it one day, or one hour, or just one minute at a time. Maybe. 

Maybe I can do this. 

Here’s to joy.

PS: No, God, I did not ask for patience. I am just plain tired of being patient!

Maybe if I quit asking for it, then I won’t have to wait so long?

Wishful thinking, I know. But it’s worth a try.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

This was a very sobering statistic for me.